Writing for me is an exercise in ignoring perfectionism. I’m not a good writer, I can’t be a good writer. If I were to become a good writer than I would stop writing from the pressure and expectation of being good.
I sit down to write, put some music on repeat so it will hide me from the world long enough to write something. When I stop halfway or even after 90% I usually won’t finish, stopping leaves room for the self doubt and criticism to flow in. It’s enough to make whatever I have written, no matter how inspired, seem dull and lifeless. When I write I have to think of it as a post just for myself, a group of words just to help me organize my memories and ideology. It can’t be for other people, that would be too much to expect and somehow too pretentious if I actually expect other people to gain something from reading what I write.
Whenever I start to feel good at something, especially something creative I will level off and usually start devolving from that moment on. I don’t want writing to become some little experiment that failed the minute it felt like it was succeeding. I will ignore the fact that some people might read this until after I am done writing it. Maybe in some future I will be okay with the entire truth but for now it is imperative that I write. The more the better, the more practice the better. One great article wouldn’t be worth the consequences that could come after.
I’m not trying to say that I don’t give my writing my best words, I’m trying to say that to maintain a great effort I have to be clever with my expectations for myself.